Thursday, December 23, 2010

Who's right anyway?

We have lived in the Panhandle of Florida for about 5 years now. In this time, we have made no fewer than 20 trips to a specific city in which you must take a toll bridge, or drive an extra 20 miles (and about 50 minutes) on a one lane highway.

I always drive. Eric hates driving. But, when he wants to get on my good side, he'll volunteer to drive.

As we are headed to get the boys pictures taken with Santa, Eric volunteers to drive...I ask, "are you sure?" and he says yes.

Me: "this isn't your turn, get back in your lane."

Eric: "it would be so nice if they marked it, then I would never miss it!"

Me: "it is marked"

Eric: "it's not marked with a big sign that says 'Eric, turn here!'"

Me: reading the sign "mid-bay bridge next right"

500 ft later

Me: "toll bridge to ****** right lane"

50 ft later

Me: "mid-bay bridge right lane"

...long pause...

Eric: "the sign needs to be orange, that way I'd be able to see it!"

I figured I'd made my point, so there was no need to argue...and I'm sure we'll have the same conversation the next time he decides to drive. What amazes me is that he gets turned around in this city EVERYTIME we go...yet always rocks at his land nav for the Army!?!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Jen, would you be my BFF?

Dear Miss Lancaster,

I must start by saying I have a total non-lesbian crush on you. I had heard about your first book Bitter is the New Black, quite a few years ago but only recently started reading your masterpieces. To say I love your writing would be an understatement. As I am now halfway through your third book, Such a Pretty Fat, I often find myself thinking what I would say, as you so vividly describe different situations, only to find out that you read my mind!

I really think we could be great friends. While you are too modest to say n-i-p-p-l-e and have a mouth that would make any soldier blush, I try my hardest to only use made up swears but have no problem discussing the special hugs that adults do when they really love each other.

I could bring a great balance, and have even been known to make my friends laugh. Just think about it.


*I actually sent her this in an email...I'll let you know if I ever get a reply!


I have a ton of pictures and events to write about, but I have been working every chance I get, because lets face it, I can't complain about not having money when I turn down a chance to work when Eric is home and I won't have to pay for a sitter!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Dear Velveeta

To whom it may concern,

Growing up I only knew one kind of Macaroni and Cheese, and it was Kraft. We rarely used it as a side dish, but instead added hamburger meat, corn, & green beans to make it into a meal. I thought I was getting the good stuff until later in life I tasted the sweet nectar that is Velveeta Shells & Cheese. You became a staple in my home for many years, until my hubby and I decided we needed to shed some weight and filed for a restraining order.

Recently, we once again invited you back, but this time we went for the "healthier" option. And let me just plain sucks! It's like you didn't even try! Also, there is only a 30 calorie difference per serving, and when a serving is over 300 calories is it really worth having the 2% variety?

So, I once again ban you from my house because, let's face it, my butt isn't getting any smaller and your low cal food isn't getting any better!