Happy Memorial Day

All gave some...and some gave all. Remember those who paid the ultimate sacrifice.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13 KJV

Getting better everyday...

The boys and I are starting to get into a nice routine. I put them down at night between 7-9, and they wake up for another feeding between 12-2, then wake up for the day between 6-8. In the beginning I spent most of the day staring at the clock and waiting for Eric to get home. Now, both the boys have started smiling and the PT I'm doing at home with Cooper seems to be helping with his head lag.
The boys LOVE the mobile in their pack-n-play and it always produces quite a few smiles and coos. I find myself smiling much more now because I'm sleeping a lot better, and you can't help but smile, no matter how frustrated you are, when the boys are sporting a huge open-mouthed smile.
Eric left Thursday morning to meet up with the guys he plays Call of Duty & Battlefield Bad Company with on the computer...aka...geek convention. It was initially scheduled to be held in Nashville, and the boys and I were going to go with, but the resort we had booked got flooded, and they ended up moving the event to Ohio. So, so far so good. The boys are still alive, and I'm not too sleep deprived. It has been a good test run for when Eric will be gone for OCS (26 Sept-16Dec).

I've also found a great website, thanks to Molly, coupons.com and saved $24 on my last purchase of diapers and wipes. Every little bit helps!

Work has been great, even when I'm not in my unit. There really are a great bunch of nurses at my hospital! And I've learned that without a nap, a 12hr shift is possible, even without any sleep when I get home...it's call RockStar Juiced :o) I'm so blessed that I am physically able to work, and that I work at a place that allows me to pick up shifts that are convenient for me (i.e. when Eric will be home to watch the boys).

**Clihk here to view my photos of the boys on Facebook**

Happy Mother's Day, Birthday, & Anniversary!

If you know me at all, you know I LOVE personalized items. So, it is no wonder that I fell in love with Gina Alexander handbags quite a few years ago when I was up late and saw them showcased on HSN (which I don't think I've watched since!) The pictures are printed directly onto the fabric, and they use real leather.

I knew I wanted one, but because I'm quite frugal I signed up for their emails and waited for a sale that was just up my alley. My first purchase was about 3 years ago when I chose the Julia bag with a picture of my puppies.

I ordered the bag in time for the Christmas deadline, but due to the abundance of orders they called me to let me know it wouldn't make it in time, so they were sending me a gift certificate for a free cosmetic bag. I was thrilled!! Well, about 6 months later one of the grommets that held the strap together started to get loose. I emailed the company and asked if they could send me a new grommet, but instead they had me ship the bag back, and they replaced both grommets and I had my purse back within 3 weeks (to include shipping time).

My next purchase came 2 days after Tyler died. I was still very upset and wanted to have something to carry with me that reminded me of him, so I bought one of their key chains. It makes me smile everytime I look at it, and it's a great price!

Now, for the latest purchase. I couldn't have a purse with my dogs on it, and not have one with my children!! So, I used my favorite picture from my shoot with V and purchased the My Everything bag.

It turned out so great, and I know I'll get just as many compliments about it as I have every other item I've purchased. On both bags I've chosen to get the "underglass" option, which is a thick plastic covering that protects the fabric underneath from water/stains. I love these bags, and wanted to share!!

Note to self...

Letting it all hang out

I just want to preface this post by stating that what I'm about to say has nothing to do with one individual person, conversation, or action.

I'm feeling lost...abandoned...and like a failure.

Is my previous identity as an amazingly talented (using the term loosely) woman gone? I'm I now only to be seen as a mother of twins? The transition of being a couple to parents is challenging. I don't mind giving up many things, and I knew what I was getting into, but that being said, you never know how you will feel until it happens. Some people may have seen me as being selfish, by waiting to have kids for 8 years, but so what! I wanted to be in the right state of mind, and be ready to give up my independance before I made the giant leap into parenthood. And, I can honestly say I'm glad I had those years alone with my husband. We are best friends and he is someone I confide in with EVERYTHING. He is my rock!

I really miss my friends. I know many have kept their distance because they didn't want to interrupt me, knowing I have my hands full, but it is getting kind of lonely. I haven't seen many people since before I went on bedrest in January. I get tired of being the one to always call, always set things up. I guess that's just more of me being selfish...maybe even a little self-centered.

I hate being the fat girl again, which has really hit me the hardest. I know, I know, I JUST HAD TWINS...but it doesn't make me feel any better. I worked so hard, for so long to be healthy that I feel like a failure to look like this again. I'm walking as often as I can, but my pelvis/hips are still quite painful that I can't do more than about 2-3 miles at a time. Eric tried to point out how everyone says how good I look for just having twins...but seriously, who is gonna walk up and say "geez, you might want to hide that muffin top!" (okay, maybe my friend Amber...but I love her for her honesty!)

With all the craziness I just hadn't had much time to sit down with Eric and talk, which is what we did tonight...and I feel so much better. Sometimes, you just have to let it all hang out :o)

*comments off*

BIG NEWS!!!

I know it's completely taboo to post twice in one day, but I have something exciting to share!!!

ERIC IS OFFICIALLY ACCEPTED TO OCS!!! (Officer Candidate School)

They have changed things up a bit, and he won't have a branch beforehand, instead he will be competing with everyone else, based on grades & PT scores, for his pick.

We don't have a date of when he'll be going, but the first three months will be at Ft. Benning, GA (only 4 hrs away) then he'll come home before he goes to his next training.

I'll share more when we find out more...right now we are celebrating!!

Knock on wood!

I don't want to jinx anything....but the boys went 8 1/2 hrs between feedings last night! My sanity is beginning to be restored, hallelujah!
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Last week Carter took a trip to the ER since they had no available appointments on base, and he had blood in his stool. The docs think it's an allergy to the milk-based formula...which was weird to me that it would present after 7 weeks of use. So, now both boys are on Nutramigen (the expensive stuff), but they are sleeping better which is worth it.

I had a wonderful Mother's Day! The best gift came as we sat down for church and Sister Grey came over to say hi...and Cooper smiled! This is huge because this is the first time he has smiled while being awake. Carter is super smiley all the time, but up until almost 8 weeks all Cooper did while he was awake was cry (which has improved dramatically this week).

Cooper

Carter

The boys are now at the 50% at 2 months, and Carter is catching up to Cooper fast!

Carter is 11lbs 7oz, and Cooper is 12lbs 3oz
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We have been taking family walks around the newly paved park by my house when Eric gets off work. He will normally run a mile or two with Koa, to get some of his energy out b/c he LOVES to run, and then they will catch up with me walking while I finish. Yesterday was no different except Eric was especially sweaty so he decided to walk home instead of getting my cloth seats dirty (we live about 1/3 mile away from the park). When I got home Koa reluctantly got out of the car and about 5 feet from the front door he collapsed and started seizing. I grabbed him ran inside, screamed for Desiree to get the boys out of the car (Thanks Dez!), grabbed his Valium syringe and administered it (in the tooter), picked him back up and got in the car and headed to the vet.

He had a temperature over 105, and a "high" temp for a dog is 101-103, and by the time they got him to the back he was starting to have another seizure. They gave him cold IV fluids, and laid him on ice packs. They know me really well at this vet because of when Tyler died, so they let me come to the back after about 5 minutes and Koa already looked better and held still once I picked him up. I just cried b/c I felt like such a moron. It was 4pm and the temp was only 83 degrees, which he has ran in numerous times before. We offered him water at the water fountain every lap, but he only drank once...and he was pulling the entire time. They sent us home with is IV access so I could give him the Valium faster if he had another seizure, but all was quiet and we took it out this morning.

So, I'm retarded and gave my dog heat stroke. But, they did say I was smart to bring him in right away b/c he would have died otherwise.

So, lesson learned.

Getting back in the saddle sure is a pain in the butt!

After a very short 7 weeks, I headed back to work on Sunday. Even though I am scheduled in Pediatrics, there weren't enough kids for 2 nurses so I was out on the Medical-Surgical floor. They were nice enough to take into consideration that I hadn't worked in almost 6 months, so I only had 4 patients...but that was more than enough. I was working with a great bunch of people that took the time to answer my silly questions and give me a hand whenever I needed it. My legs were shot by the end of the day and I definitely prefer night shift more than days, but I survived.

I came home exhausted after 12+ hrs on the floor, and as soon as I walked in the door Eric says, "don't hate me, but the boys slept all day." I just groaned because I knew they would be up all night...and they were.

The next day wasn't too bad and work called at about noon to see if I could possibly work in Peds that night because the nurse scheduled had called in sick (the unit had been closed, but if someone was admitted I would have to work). I called Eric and he agreed that I could work and I went about my day.

At about 2pm I started having bad stomach pains, which by 4pm turning into puking. I called work and apologized, but there was no way I could work. I had to run and wake Desiree up to watch the boys until Eric got home because whatever I had caught, I didn't want the boys to get sick.

I HATE getting sick, especially puking!! Things quieted down by about 5am but I couldn't sleep because my entire body hurt. My back was the worst, I couldn't get into a comfortable position and finally when I was no longer nauseated I took some Tylenol...but it didn't seem to help much. I started feeling better at about 5pm, so I came out of quarantine and got to see my boys.

It is amazing how much I missed holding them. Normally I'm frustrated because they both want to be held at the same time, but not holding them for 24 hrs just about drove me crazy!

So far there are no signs of anyone else in the house getting sick, so keep your fingers crossed. One of my friends said her kids were sick this weekend, and a friend that was working at the hospital on Sunday with me, in a different unit, was puking too...so there is definitely something going around!

Let's just pray that I won't catch anything else on my next shift!