Letting it all hang out

I just want to preface this post by stating that what I'm about to say has nothing to do with one individual person, conversation, or action.

I'm feeling lost...abandoned...and like a failure.

Is my previous identity as an amazingly talented (using the term loosely) woman gone? I'm I now only to be seen as a mother of twins? The transition of being a couple to parents is challenging. I don't mind giving up many things, and I knew what I was getting into, but that being said, you never know how you will feel until it happens. Some people may have seen me as being selfish, by waiting to have kids for 8 years, but so what! I wanted to be in the right state of mind, and be ready to give up my independance before I made the giant leap into parenthood. And, I can honestly say I'm glad I had those years alone with my husband. We are best friends and he is someone I confide in with EVERYTHING. He is my rock!

I really miss my friends. I know many have kept their distance because they didn't want to interrupt me, knowing I have my hands full, but it is getting kind of lonely. I haven't seen many people since before I went on bedrest in January. I get tired of being the one to always call, always set things up. I guess that's just more of me being selfish...maybe even a little self-centered.

I hate being the fat girl again, which has really hit me the hardest. I know, I know, I JUST HAD TWINS...but it doesn't make me feel any better. I worked so hard, for so long to be healthy that I feel like a failure to look like this again. I'm walking as often as I can, but my pelvis/hips are still quite painful that I can't do more than about 2-3 miles at a time. Eric tried to point out how everyone says how good I look for just having twins...but seriously, who is gonna walk up and say "geez, you might want to hide that muffin top!" (okay, maybe my friend Amber...but I love her for her honesty!)

With all the craziness I just hadn't had much time to sit down with Eric and talk, which is what we did tonight...and I feel so much better. Sometimes, you just have to let it all hang out :o)

*comments off*