Saturday, April 17, 2010

Unpaid Internship available, apply within

2nd pair of arms

Female (lesbians welcome, and even encouraged)
Experience with children preferred (but you won't be left on your own for quite some time b/c you could be a serial killer for all I know!)
Must have usable arms (as the boys are growing at an exponential rate)

Job Description:
Hold screaming babies
Feed screaming babies
Change diapers of screaming babies
Snuggle happy babies (when they are sleeping)

Being around me (and soaking up my awesomeness)
Room & Board (i.e. my couch, and scavenging for food b/c I don't cook)
Savings plan (since this experience is the best birth control on the market, you can save all that money to buy cute shoes and sushi)
Weight Loss Program (if there is no time to sleep, there is definitely no time to eat)
...did I mention being around me??

**Although there is no college credit offered, as of right now, the experiences that you encounter will aid in shaping you into either an amazing person that can deal with anything...or having a mental breakdown which inevitably will land you in a psych facility wearing a straight jacket while rocking back and forth in the fetal position talking about "the pretty birds."**


Mom2JJJ said...

Oh girl... atleast you still have your sense of humor! I'd like to apply. Sorry haven't been much help lately.. crazy with trying to get my house on the maket and keep up my kiddos. Jon's in town today and we're trying to finish up some projects this weekend, but next week I have some "free arms". Hang in there girl... you're a great mommy!!!

Ellis Family said...

I'm thinking I may need to hire the same kind of help!

Cheeseboy said...

I like your style. How bout' a manny? I hear Brad Pitt is available.

Wendyburd1 said...

Mary if you lived near me, I would SO be offering for real!! Move to the East Coast CT area and I will help with 2 adorable twins!! BABIES!!:)

Queenie Jeannie said...

Well if you're laughing, you're not crying, right?? Although it's totally ok to cry too. Doing both at the same time is frowned upon, lol!

This too shall pass.

If I had a nickel for everytime I said that to myself I'd be richer than.....I dunno, somebody rich!

Jessica G. said...

I would totally apply but I only have one working arm...

Missy said...

Love, love, love this post! I cannot imagine caring for two infants! You are amazing!