Unpaid Internship available, apply within

Wanted:
2nd pair of arms

Qualifications:
Female (lesbians welcome, and even encouraged)
Experience with children preferred (but you won't be left on your own for quite some time b/c you could be a serial killer for all I know!)
Must have usable arms (as the boys are growing at an exponential rate)

Job Description:
Hold screaming babies
Feed screaming babies
Change diapers of screaming babies
Snuggle happy babies (when they are sleeping)

Benefits:
Being around me (and soaking up my awesomeness)
Room & Board (i.e. my couch, and scavenging for food b/c I don't cook)
Savings plan (since this experience is the best birth control on the market, you can save all that money to buy cute shoes and sushi)
Weight Loss Program (if there is no time to sleep, there is definitely no time to eat)
...did I mention being around me??

**Although there is no college credit offered, as of right now, the experiences that you encounter will aid in shaping you into either an amazing person that can deal with anything...or having a mental breakdown which inevitably will land you in a psych facility wearing a straight jacket while rocking back and forth in the fetal position talking about "the pretty birds."**