Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Concerns & Confessions

It seems that many people in the blogging world have been offended lately and this made me worry about who I have offended. I have been blogging for years, but only when I started blogging here did people, other than my family, start reading my posts. I love having the forum to write whatever I want without constraints, other than those I apply on my own. Seeing as I have always been one to buck the norm, I am curious about proper blog etiquette. I am still so new to this site that I am curious what the veterans, and everyone else, has to say!

If someone posts on my blog, is it expected that I post on theirs? Since I love comments, I really enjoy it when people take the time to write, so I always try to comment on their blogs. It might take me a few days to catch up & make my comments, but I really do love reading your blogs!! So this means that if you don't comment on every one of my posts, so what...that doesn't mean I won't post on yours. But I do have to admit that I am more inclined to visit the people's blogs that take the time to post on mine b/c I want to brighten their day like they brighten mine! I have found some amazing people out in the blogosphere this way and I look forward to seeing what they write! Which brings me to my next question...

If I started following someone, then stop, am I a horrible person? In one instance I had started following someone, then I found that after a few weeks that I didn't really like reading what they had to say, so I stopped following and stopped following someone else accidentally in the process (remember I am still new to blogger). So...

Can I wait a few more posts before becoming an official follower? Because of the previous instance, when someone comments on one of my posts or I find someone through another blog, I really like to read their blog for a little while on my own before adding myself to their following. I don't have a great deal of time to devote to blogging, so I guess I'm kind of selfish with who I choose to's okay, you can call me a snob!

Am I expected to comment on every post? Some of my favorite bloggers post multiple posts a day (I have even been guilty of that!!), but if I don't really have anything to say...should I say nothing, or devote the energy to one of their posts that I might have a great deal to comment about. Like my sidebar states, I am a comment whore, so I try to spread the that what is expected?

If I don't enter your giveaway, please don't be offended. I think it is a great opportunity to get more people to read your blog! I am just such a pessimist when it comes to these things b/c of my Statistics class...the odds are always against you! I have found some amazing products out there through these giveaways, and have been introduced to Etsy (which I never knew existed), so thanks for the resources, but I just don't like giveaways...sorry!

Mean anonymous comments are stupid. If you are that upset that you want to say something hurtful, stop reading it!! Why be mean and hurtful? I'm not talking about anonymous comments in general, but people that feel that need to be mean without having the balls to attach a name/identity to it. I have heard of "friends" commenting anonymously on their "friends" pages with their "honesty"...but if you can't go to that person with what is truly in your heart, why do it anonymously? If you think the person really needs to hear what you have to say, don't post it for everyone to see, send them an email. If you don't have their email, ask for it! Also, if it is bothering you that much, approach them in a way that is non-threatening if you really want the friendship to continue. If the person asks for your opinion in a post, that is a whole other can of worms...b/c they asked. Just my two cents. I'm not saying that I hate anonymous comments, b/c if I did I wouldn't allow them, and I also have the right to delete them if I feel the desire...and I have ;o) I know it's a lot of if's!

I used to be so envious of Kristina P! She was one of the first blogs I stalked, which I found through her hilarious comments on TAMN's blog...and she has a million stalkers!! I used to feel so inadequate with my few followers, but I am so thankful to those of you that take the time to read my blog!! I wouldn't be able to handle such a massive following, especially with as much poise as she does...I have too much of a temper! AND, she is everywhere, and almost always the first to comment, I think I would need kryptonite to have a fighting chance!

I hope I haven't scared anyone by my tendency to shoot you an email based on a comment you left. I'm normally not at home, so when I get the email on my phone and I want to say something I just reply to your email address. I have had some amazing conversations this way, and I am grateful that my phone service doesn't charge by the # of emails ;o)

Again, I hope I haven't offended anyone, it was not my intent...just some of my very random thoughts & questions. I want to thank everyone that reads and those who share the comment love!! I won't be offended if you stop following, we all have a right to make our own choices!

Have a great week and take the time to do something just for you. I know that I take myself for granted, so embrace the beautiful woman you are (just a shot in the dark since no men other than my brother's read my blog)...and let the world know!!!


Erin said...

I've actually got a post kind of similar to this ready for tomorrow.

I'm totally with you on the anonymous rude comment thing. If you feel like you have to be anonymous, you probably shouldn't be saying it.

And the follower thing - that's why I took the follower widget off of my blog. My pride was hurt when someone stopped following me, but I realized that was a ridiculous thing to be upset about, so I got rid of it. Problem solved!

Jessica said...

I agree with everything you said. IMO, blogging should be fun and enjoyable. When it gets to be a chore to follow so many people or make obligitory comments, that defeats the purpose.

I understand that you have a life outside of blogging. I love comments as much as the next person, but I would rather have a few meaningful comments than a hundred "LOL" comments. (maybe, now I'm not sure...I do love comments)

So I don't think you need to worry about offending anyone. My thinking is that if they get offended by you being honest about your feelings, they need a chill pill! Stepping off the soap box now.

Missy said...

Wow! You offended someone! I am no doubt on the blogger hit list then! Ignore the anons, if they do not have the balls to "show their face" then they should not voice!
Don't get the Blogger Guilts, so not worth it!

Kristina P. said...

I admit that I take people off my Reader everyday. I don't expect people to comment on every post that I do, and there are a handful of people that I comment on every post that they do.

But, I do think that there are people who do drive-by comments so to speak, and comment once and don't come back. If I realize I have been commenting on someone's blog for a while, and I NEVER hear from them, I will take them off. I do think there is some sort of give and take. That's usually the only way I know that they are still reading. If I know they are reading but just aren't commenting, I'm OK with that, and will still comment on theirs.

And don't feel like you have to keep up to me. I have a job that has a lot of down time. For instance yesterday, I had 6 hours with nothing to do.

And I HATE the followers thing. I really wish I could just take it off my Dashboard completely. I just find it useless.

I had a couple anonymous comments on the PS post that weren't all roses, but I was OK with that. They weren't mean, but they were honest, and I understand why they didn't attach their name. Mean is one thing, but I don't have a problem with honest but polite anonymous comments to tell you the truth.

Michelle said...

Ya know...I just don't think blogging should be a stressful thing. I'm going to post a similar post on my blog...tomorrow since I already have a post for today. :)

the letter Bee said...

It really is interesting to find out that there is an etiquette to blogging, isn't it?!

I don't think you offend anyone Mary. Honestly. And Michelle is right, blogging shouldn't be stressful.

I only have the Follower gadget on my blog because sometimes people don't know how to put your blog into a reader without using it. My self-esteem really doesn't rise & fall with the number of followers I have. :p

Mrs. Jacqueline said...

You know what honey? Block the anonymous commenters. Then say whatever you want. Because the whole free speech thing, remember? That constitution thing your hubby is defending and upholding? Screw the naysayers and keep doing what your doing. I <3 you for it.

Mary said...

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone!

You are all beautifully wise women...which is why I stalk you ;o)

I will keep the anonymous comments enabled b/c I haven't had any bad ones yet...but I have the power to delete them, and that is enough for me. Some people don't want the world to know anything about them, and I respect that decision. Just don't be mean!

Grandma Arnold said...

Block the anonymous comments because the writer is a chicken and lacks integrity.

Kristina P. said...

I just wanted to add one more thing. I've seen this several times lately about how it's your blog and you can say whatever you want. I totally agree. However, that doesn't mean that there aren't consequences for our actions.

I ended a long friendship with someone because of her blog. We had been having a lot of issues anyway, with her lying to me, but that's what actually ended the friendship. She would rant about people on her blog, and I wasn't OK with it.

So, I do think that if you choose to say something negative about a person in your life, it's not OK to then cry foul when they are upset about it or call you on it.

I admit there are a few blogs that I stopped reading because I thought their political posts were hateful. I didn't tell them that, and they can say what they want, but I can choose not to read it.

Same goes for my blog. If people choose not to read it, so be it.

Kim said...

Oh sorry... I hate anonymous comments or hateful comments. I think you're going to get them anytime you put yourself in an open forum. If I don't like something someone said I just don't comment. I don't feel it's my place since it's their blog... their opinion. I just like to post positive uplifting things. I've enjoyed your blog and don't see how you could have offended anyone. And I love comments & your emails, but if I didn't hear from you for a while that wouldn't keep me from reading your blog... everybody gets busy!

Lorie said...

You have never offended me and I hope I have never offended you.

The way I look at it, I visit when I can, I comment when I can, and that is what I figure everyone does!

Mary said...

Thanks for the participation ladies, I think there were some very good points made!!

Just to clarify...I have never received a rude anonymous comment, but have heard of people doing it.

Thank you for all of your opinions & viewpoints. I always like to see every angle possible.

Becky said...

mary, you never offend me. And it surprises me that some people would have their panties in such a wad that they would let something someone wrote on a blog offend them. I LOVE your honesty. Sorry I don't comment that often, but I am reading!

Wendyburd1 said...

Mary I LOVED this!! I also tend to leave comments more to people who leave comments on my blog. I don't want to exclude anyone, but those people made a conscious effort to comment on my post so I feel I want to do the same for them.

You are not horrible for not being interested in a blog anymore. Sure it hurts me a little when someone stops all of a sudden without a reason it seems, but that is why I now, unless someone seems to click instantly, follow anonymously, that way I can comment with my name but see if they have things to say that I feel are of interest, funny, etc.

I like comments I gotta say, and seem to get only some and once in a blue moon, get jealous of, yes, Kristina with like 200+ comments every post, but also wow a lot of commenters, who do you answer, CAN you even answer ALL of that, so then it seems okay maybe not. I DO love comments though, LOL.

I hate mean comments also. If what someone says bothers you so much you write something mean or hurtful, WHY write it, why read it?! It is so unnecessary and hurtful. As people have pointed out, you never know how that person will take it, you could hurt them badly and never even know it!

Anonymous said...

mary...don't even sweat it!
blog what you want.
comment when you want.
never feel an obligation to comment.
esp. on my blogs please!
that's like asking your husband to say you look hot or that he loves you. totally doesn't count anyway!!!
love your you.


Live.Love.Eat said...

Ok, lots going through my mind right now.
1) I can't see you offending anyone
2) blogging is a give and take like KP said.
3) I have a blogroll of favorites and I follow it. BUT whenever ANYONE comes by that I don't know or who isn't on my blogroll I will ALWAYS go by and say hi and see what they're up to.
4) I had a few people on my blogroll where I went by many many times and they NEVER came by. Now, I was not expecting them to put me on their blogroll but when they never came by to even say hello ONCE I took them off. Blogging is a wonderful positive interaction for me so that's why I don't do Dooce or people who have no time to connect.
5) Although I am adamant about #4 blogging is not tit for tat either. I may come to your place everyday, let's say, but if you come to me once a week I am so fine with that.
6) I don't have time to comment on every single post, especially those who post more than once day. I don't feel obligated!
7) Have fun and don't worry!