Friday, October 10, 2008

The Threatdown: this week's list of what is destroying America


I can't claim the fame for the Threatdown. I am a HUGE fan of Stephen Colbert and his satirical humor, so here is my version of the Threatdown.

5. People that have medical problems that I, as a student, can't do anything about

-when I am given a Pt with a serious medical disorder I expect to provide a certain level of care so I can write it down 13 times on the 13 different forms I have to turn in to my instructor. So, when they aren't getting the normal treatments all I can really do is ask them how they feel and make sure they are comfortable. So, sick people, please start to fall within that normal sickly realm so MY life can be a little easier.

4. The Stock Market

-it's very sad when your very small retirement account dimishes over $8000 in little under a year. I finally took everyone advice and used banks and the market instead of burying my $ where it is safe...and stays safe b/c I always forget to make a map or misplace the map for my map. Some of us want to eventually stop working, so start working so I don't have to.

3. Politicians

-there is always a new scandal or story breaking everyday about how McCain/Palin did this or how Obama/& the other guy did that...their plans...and how it will cause the end of civilization as we know it. Instead of a 3 million dollar prize for new energy efficiency in cars, how about a 3 million dollar prize for a device that gives you an automatic "good guy" "bad guy" reading. I would buy one...but then the machines would start to plot against the human race and we would be extinct before global warming could finish what we started.

2. Women that don't wear bras

-seriously...you like the looks of disgust when you walk by, b/c I don't like giving them. It is distracting not only for men...but I don't I can't help but wish someone would tell her "your boobs are sagging, let me show you to lingerie." We're at war, pick a side!

And the #1 threat destroying America is:

1. The internet

-what happened to good old fashioned pencil & paper? All my testing & assignments are done online now...and even when I had a real exam, it was graded by a computer. It's only a matter of time before we become the servants and the struggle for machine domination is over...just like Planet of the Apes.

Well, there you have it. And let me clarify, this is all in good fun and is nonsense on purpose. If you haven't seen an episode of The Colbert Report, you are missing out. It airs on Comedy Central M-Th @1130 (with re-runs the following day @ earlier times).

13 comments:

Michelle said...

AAAAWESOME!!!! I love Steven Colbert. I wish I could watch him. :(

Kristina P. said...

Hahaha! Love the bra one.

I just got home from book club, and I realize that you might really like the book we read. If you go to my blog, it's on my sidebar. It's a novel written by a doctor who was a resident at the time. We have a nurse and a doctor in our club and they loved it.

Mary said...

I told Eric that if he really loves me, he will plan a trip to NY so we could watch a live taping!!! I would literally die if I got to give him a high five before he nails his nightly guest with his incredible wit!
Plus, he is easy on the eyes.

Mary said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary said...

Kristina- I put the book on my wish list on Books a million. I am always ordering nursing books & study aids, and I try to sneak something enjoyable in each shipment

Brittany said...

I thought the #1 threat was ALWAYS bears. Come on, they even stalk you at Target.

Mary said...

I know Brittany, but I didn't want to completely rip off his #1...that's why I put the pic of the bears at the top.
Check out the clip @ the bottom of my page of him & Jon Stewart a few yrs ago @ the Emmys...priceless

*MARY* said...

I used to watch the colbert report back when my tv would let me. Now I have to learn about bra-less women through Seinfeld.

Wendyburd1 said...

The bras one made me laugh. But I really hate the women/girls who can get AWAY with it because they're all perky and smaller...like Kate Hudson...take it from a DD...not having to wear a bra...would be a blessing!!

Mary said...

Wendy- part of the reason they are destroying America is b/c I am in the same boat as you!
I told my hubby that the SECOND our last kid is done breast feeding I am getting the girls fixed ;-)! I even told him that as soon as I graduate and am a big grown up nurse, that half my paycheck is going into "the body I deserve" fund.

Kristina P. said...

Mary, NOOOOOOO! My profile is very sarcastic! (Creepy vampire wanting to have sex with an underage girl.)I actually do not love the books. At all.

But, I think you should read them for yourself. Many people really like them. You may enjoy them.

Sorry to lead you astray.

Mary said...

well, I needed $6 to make my order enough for free shipping, which was $6, so I am really not spending any money on it...I'll let you know in december! Plus the kids in my sunday school class are obsessed...so it doesn't hurt to get their point of view!

Wendyburd1 said...

Man...put me down for a tummy tuck...the tata's getting sliced...ohhhh ouchhh no, heck no...I have experienced the pain of my stomach sliced open...I can't say I HANDLED it...but I AM alive!!